Since it is now September, I think I can make the countdown official. Twenty-six days from today I will be a changed woman. Only 26 days, it seems like it was going to be a "forever" wait just a few weeks ago and now here it is that I am beginning to panic about everything. Will I get my house cleaned and organized before my Mother gets here, what are we going to do for transportation while she is here (she can't drive a standard), what is she going to do all day, will she be bored, will Matthew behave while she is here, where should she sleep, etc, etc, etc! My mind runs non-stop about this stuff. I am not so worried about the surgery, recovery, what I will drink or eat, but more so about the things around me. I think these kinds of worries are probably normal, at least I hope they are? Somebody please tell me they are! :)
I have begun to think about the surgery. I have never had real surgery. I have had a couple of both-end-oscopies over the years and a heart catheritization, but I have never been intubated and the thought of all that scares me a little. I was talking to my friend Shaye the other day about it all. She had her gallbladder removed with a laproscopic procedure and was able to tell me, without scaring me, what it was like for her. It made me feel so much better. When she says I will go to sleep and wake up and wonder if it is over yet, I believe her. She has experienced it!
I still have no doubt this is the right step for me. This is a tool, and I believe it, to help me change my life. I am so excited about these changes and look forward to every one of them, even if they aren't pleasant at that time they happen. So, let the counting begin...26...25...24...23...22...21...20...
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Big Plans
There is a funny equation in my mind about this whole weight loss surgery. Somehow, I have also concluded that not only am I going to get slimmer, but I am also going to get YOUNGER. I don't know why I think the two of those go together. Silly huh? Here is why I have identified that correlation.
I keep seeing outfits that I think I will someday be able to wear again. For example, one night last week I saw a young lady going into the country/western dance club up the road in a short skirt and cowboy boots. She looked too, too cute. Much like Kaitlin, my 20-year old daughter does, when she wears a similar ensemble. But what about that is going to look good on a 40-something woman. Probably nothing! I think just because I am going to get down into normal-sized clothes that I will somehow be able to wear anything I want. Just because it might fit, doesn't necessarily mean it would be a good thing to wear! Right!
As I have gotten bigger and bigger, I have had to fight the tendancy to dress like a grandma. Not there this is anything wrong with the way grandma's dress, but just because I have had to shop at Tents by Omar hasn't meant I have had to look like I was older than my true age. I have forgotten how to dress young. Realistically, I am still YOUNG. I am only 41 and that is not old enough to require double knit pants, cardigans and sensible shoes. It has been at least 10 years since I haven't had to shop in the plus-sized section of a store. And let's be honest, it is hard to find cute, age-appropriate clothing for fluffy girls. If you haven't had that struggle, count yourself blessed and take my word for it. It is difficult.
Maybe the correlation I have between losing weight and getting younger is true. I am sure I will feel younger with more energy and even a better center of gravity so I don't feel so clumsy. It won't mean I have to wear extremely low cut jeans, short, short skirts and skin-tight shirts. It will mean I will be able to shop in a regular section in a store, chose age-appropriate clothing and not only feel comfortable in my clothes but look good as well. I can't wait!
Thanks for reading!
I keep seeing outfits that I think I will someday be able to wear again. For example, one night last week I saw a young lady going into the country/western dance club up the road in a short skirt and cowboy boots. She looked too, too cute. Much like Kaitlin, my 20-year old daughter does, when she wears a similar ensemble. But what about that is going to look good on a 40-something woman. Probably nothing! I think just because I am going to get down into normal-sized clothes that I will somehow be able to wear anything I want. Just because it might fit, doesn't necessarily mean it would be a good thing to wear! Right!
As I have gotten bigger and bigger, I have had to fight the tendancy to dress like a grandma. Not there this is anything wrong with the way grandma's dress, but just because I have had to shop at Tents by Omar hasn't meant I have had to look like I was older than my true age. I have forgotten how to dress young. Realistically, I am still YOUNG. I am only 41 and that is not old enough to require double knit pants, cardigans and sensible shoes. It has been at least 10 years since I haven't had to shop in the plus-sized section of a store. And let's be honest, it is hard to find cute, age-appropriate clothing for fluffy girls. If you haven't had that struggle, count yourself blessed and take my word for it. It is difficult.
Maybe the correlation I have between losing weight and getting younger is true. I am sure I will feel younger with more energy and even a better center of gravity so I don't feel so clumsy. It won't mean I have to wear extremely low cut jeans, short, short skirts and skin-tight shirts. It will mean I will be able to shop in a regular section in a store, chose age-appropriate clothing and not only feel comfortable in my clothes but look good as well. I can't wait!
Thanks for reading!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Holy Moly!
I have a date...a date...a very important date! September 28th is the day that will change my life! My gastric bypass surgery is set for September 28th at about 9:45 in the morning. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. For the last couple of weeks I could hardly sleep because I was so anxious about approval from the insurance company. Now I can hardly sleep because I am so excited! And to make it all even more exciting, my Momma is going to come take care of me. I am so blessed!
While I was disappointed that the surgery couldn't be scheduled in August, as I had hoped, this works out so much better. God decided I didn't need to have to reschedule a bunch of people at work. Instead, my work calendar was completely blank for the week of surgery and and the next two weeks, which allows me the recovery time needed and makes it possible for me to ease back into work after being off for two weeks. This also makes it easier on my Assistant! My two co-workers who have had the surgery agreed that easing back into work is certainly best. The plan is for the surgery to be laproscopic but it is still major surgery.
That is all for now...I am still processing the fact that this is really going to happen. I will have much more to say...but later!
Thanks for reading!
While I was disappointed that the surgery couldn't be scheduled in August, as I had hoped, this works out so much better. God decided I didn't need to have to reschedule a bunch of people at work. Instead, my work calendar was completely blank for the week of surgery and and the next two weeks, which allows me the recovery time needed and makes it possible for me to ease back into work after being off for two weeks. This also makes it easier on my Assistant! My two co-workers who have had the surgery agreed that easing back into work is certainly best. The plan is for the surgery to be laproscopic but it is still major surgery.
That is all for now...I am still processing the fact that this is really going to happen. I will have much more to say...but later!
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Initial Musings (aka The Truth Hurts)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be today if I had been more active as a child, if I had played sports, if I had really tried to lose weight when I was only 30 or 40 pounds overweight. You might not be able to see any contrast, but maybe things wouldn't be quite this bad.
Today, I am, at minimum, 110 pounds overweight. Because of this, I now qualify for gastric bypass surgery. I have spent the last six months in serious preparation for this life-altering operation. Two years ago I would have never considered such a surgery. I thought I was just lazy, unmotivated and lacking in will power. I certainly didn't need to have my insides rearranged in order to lose weight. I just needed to try harder...or truthfully, try period. But as the pounds have crept up to the current staggering amount, I began to think of other alternatives.
When I learned one of my coworkers had actually had full-blown, gastric-bypass surgery and lost tremendous amounts of weight, I was intrigued. This wasn't Star Jones or Carnie Wilson, this was a real live woman I could talk to and watch. She could help me understand how this worked for her, answer all my probing questions, and demonstrate how to live with the results. And she has! She has become a great inspiration to me and really influenced my decision to even go to an informational meeting about weight loss surgery. She went with me, practically held my hand, prodding me to complete the application paperwork and supporting my every step in the process.
The informational meeting was great. I came away with two thoughts that really impressed me and helped me to make my decision. The first thing the doctor emphasised is that being this kind of overweight isn't always our "fault". A genetic link to obesity has now been proven. The doctor suggested we think about our family and how many other relatives might be overweight as well. That caused me to really think about my family and how no one in my immediate family is obese. I am adopted and don't come from the same gene pool. Maybe it is genetic and my biological family is fat? What if?
The other point that was made during this lecture was that weight loss surgery, of any kind, is just a tool. The weight loss surgery is 1/3 of the equation. The other 2/3rds are diet and exercise. Another what if came to mind. What if I could lose weight and sort of start over in this process? Was 41 going to be too late to make changes? Could I do it right if I had a second chance? Would I be able to do what was asked of me in order to be successful?
I think the answer to those questions may be yes. In the last six months I have given up Coca-Cola, my all-time favorite drink. I have switched to Diet Mountain Dew or Diet A&W Root Beer. In a few weeks I will not be able to have the carbonation and have added non-carbonated beverages to my repertoire as well. We have gone from drinking syrupy-sweet, caffeinated tea at home to only lightly sweetened decaf tea. I am not supposed to have caffeine either. I have started to focus on protein in my diet and have begun actually planning my meals to center around that, another requirement of this. I have even switched my son from Kool-Aid sweetened with sugar to Crystal Light. He hasn't even noticed the difference. I think about where I park my car, just so I can walk a little farther. We have joined the YMCA and my husband and I enjoy swimming laps together. I am ready and excited about what lies ahead for me.
So, maybe it doesn't matter that I wasn't on the basketball team, didn't play softball or soccer. Perhaps this is the second chance of which we all dream? The opportunity to do it right, make changes and be who I really want to be.
Today, I am, at minimum, 110 pounds overweight. Because of this, I now qualify for gastric bypass surgery. I have spent the last six months in serious preparation for this life-altering operation. Two years ago I would have never considered such a surgery. I thought I was just lazy, unmotivated and lacking in will power. I certainly didn't need to have my insides rearranged in order to lose weight. I just needed to try harder...or truthfully, try period. But as the pounds have crept up to the current staggering amount, I began to think of other alternatives.
When I learned one of my coworkers had actually had full-blown, gastric-bypass surgery and lost tremendous amounts of weight, I was intrigued. This wasn't Star Jones or Carnie Wilson, this was a real live woman I could talk to and watch. She could help me understand how this worked for her, answer all my probing questions, and demonstrate how to live with the results. And she has! She has become a great inspiration to me and really influenced my decision to even go to an informational meeting about weight loss surgery. She went with me, practically held my hand, prodding me to complete the application paperwork and supporting my every step in the process.
The informational meeting was great. I came away with two thoughts that really impressed me and helped me to make my decision. The first thing the doctor emphasised is that being this kind of overweight isn't always our "fault". A genetic link to obesity has now been proven. The doctor suggested we think about our family and how many other relatives might be overweight as well. That caused me to really think about my family and how no one in my immediate family is obese. I am adopted and don't come from the same gene pool. Maybe it is genetic and my biological family is fat? What if?
The other point that was made during this lecture was that weight loss surgery, of any kind, is just a tool. The weight loss surgery is 1/3 of the equation. The other 2/3rds are diet and exercise. Another what if came to mind. What if I could lose weight and sort of start over in this process? Was 41 going to be too late to make changes? Could I do it right if I had a second chance? Would I be able to do what was asked of me in order to be successful?
I think the answer to those questions may be yes. In the last six months I have given up Coca-Cola, my all-time favorite drink. I have switched to Diet Mountain Dew or Diet A&W Root Beer. In a few weeks I will not be able to have the carbonation and have added non-carbonated beverages to my repertoire as well. We have gone from drinking syrupy-sweet, caffeinated tea at home to only lightly sweetened decaf tea. I am not supposed to have caffeine either. I have started to focus on protein in my diet and have begun actually planning my meals to center around that, another requirement of this. I have even switched my son from Kool-Aid sweetened with sugar to Crystal Light. He hasn't even noticed the difference. I think about where I park my car, just so I can walk a little farther. We have joined the YMCA and my husband and I enjoy swimming laps together. I am ready and excited about what lies ahead for me.
So, maybe it doesn't matter that I wasn't on the basketball team, didn't play softball or soccer. Perhaps this is the second chance of which we all dream? The opportunity to do it right, make changes and be who I really want to be.
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